Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in dark_vader's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, September 25th, 2004
1:02 am	yeah so stuff happend. it was fun. yes. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
11:56 pm	your mom! right, i woke up. then... i did stuff Current Mood: uncomfortable (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
2:31 am	right, stuff happend, but im to goddamn lazy to type about it...yeah so um...yes Current Mood: tired (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 6th, 2004
10:59 pm	wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! ok so, i decided that since Tricia was in Cali-fucking-fornia, and that she "didnt think that she liked me like that" that it wasnt worth it, i mean shes a great person but, thats just not worth that kinda atention to me, because well yeah. so anyway it had been in my head for the past couple of weeks that Sam was a really cool girl, and that id get along with her really well, so i had been thinking about asking her out, but never really had the balls to do it, so anyway, today she was playing the randome question game with me, and after a few questions when it was my turn again i asked "would you go out with me?" and then she said that shed love to, and yeah, im all excited and happy and stuff anyway toms not allowed to use his computer because we were writing some songs the last time i was their, and then we were all smart and lfet the lyrics around... yeah, so anyway toms in trouble and i dont think that his parents like me all that much anymore, but i dont really give a fuck right now, yeah. Current Mood: happy (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
7:32 pm	man ive been rejected a lot it seems, nearly evryone ive asked out has turned me down, its kinda funny in a twsted way, ive got some weird answers to, like "stay away from me you creepy bastard" then theirs the "were just freinds" and then my personal favroite: i dont think i like you like that". i dont see why evryone i ask out has to reject me, i mean i coock, i clean, hell i even do laundry. so i mean, im not THAT bad, meh, maybe i should like become a nun or somthing... Current Mood: blah (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 29th, 2004
2:27 pm	..."yes bleeding retards in the dirt the funny thing is your not hurt!!" anyway so i meet this girl a few weeks ago and shes absolutliy amazing! shes really funny, really cool, and with decient taste in music, shes a lot like me and is able to apraciate random humor, theres just one problem...after i met her she had to go back to california, because she lives their, she just visits MA a lot, anyway ive been talking to her online a lot and im really starting to like her, because shes so damn cool, etc. and yeah this just really blows and grrrrrrrrrr! anyway thats really the most interisting thing thats happend to me in awhile (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
3:35 am	ok so.... right, ummmmmmmmm stuff happens and yeah, um im tninking about stuff and yeah, ummmmm stuff... ill update after i cleard my head, and when im not as tierd Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
9:07 pm	i got some cool new boots today, yes, yes i did there all cool and bootish. mom came home from the hospital and has bitched ever since and thats about it, yeah Current Mood: amused (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 1st, 2004
6:42 pm	ive been so damn board today, like i cant stand it, so i slept, then i woke up, then i slept some more, then i woke up, and i slept, and now im a wake and i cant sleep. shitfuck. yes Current Mood: bored (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 29th, 2004
11:37 am	stuff yeah sure umm... anyway s i woke up at about 6 am today, just kinda like sat around for a half hour. then i got up and took a nice long shower, then i went out and got some coffie. when i got back from getting the coffie i sat down and made a cick ass mix, its mainly black and death/grind metal with some slipknot thrown in for good mesure, its really cool its not that long but its fucking hardcore its awsome. 1. (sic)-slipknot 2. that certain special ugly-the red chord 3. bastard chain-soilwork 4. L formation-the red chord 5. snap-slipknot 6. hallowed be thy name- cradle of filth (originaly by iorn maiden) 7. hurt and virtue-cradle of filth 8. hellion-children of bodom 9. naked trees- pig destroyer 10. elder misanthrophy-the black dahlia murder 11. like a train through a pidgeon- the red chord 12. here come the butchers- nothingface 13. dreaming in dog years-the red chord thats the tracklisting its a really friggn hard mix like its got so much energy, good shit i mean its one of my better ones Current Mood: artistic (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 25th, 2004
2:23 am	i dont need a fucking subject!! god, whenever somthing has the chance to make my life a little better and happier why dosnt it work, ever, why??? its like the whole world is out to ficking get me, evrything always fucks up, nothing goes right. lets see all the things that have fucked up: famley: mom and dad are always drunk, dad hit all new lows so i want him to die now, brohters going off to get shot, grandpa might drop dead any miniute. school: i was so fucked up medically that i cant go back to school, that means i dont get to see tom and kevin anymore, at least as much. im going to have to drop out and get my GED, and then im going to have to get some shit job for the rest of my life. medical: ive got soooo many problems, ive got jabs and jolts, ive got bad eyes, ive got some breathing problem, and i probibly have some mental imbalence(those run in the famley) love life: hahahahahaha, i dont have one and i doubt i ever will who the hell will love me, i dont even know if i CAN love anymore, fuck i hate me, and if i dont love me who will?... no one, thats who Current Mood: why the hell am i here? (Comment on this)
Friday, July 23rd, 2004
2:26 am	im really starting to hate my emotions, there so damn confusing like, the most painful thing in the world is to want somthing and get it but not in the way you want to have it, its like sooooo insane because its right there, and you still cant have it in the way that you really want it, hell it can feel like you NEED it and still its right there but at the same time soooooooooo far away and just in the back of my mind i know i can never have it in the way that i want to. so one would think, hey why dont you just give up on it, well i wish i could but i cant i mean its not that simple, like if i could give up tearing myself apart like this i would at the drop of a hat to not have to go through this, that would be nice... "...All the torment and the pain Leaked through and covered me I'd do anything to have her to myself Just to have her for myself Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad. She is everything to me The unrequited dream A song that no one sings The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in All I need to make it real is one more reason I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad. But I won't let this build up inside of me I won't let this build up inside of me I won't let this build up inside of me I won't let this build up inside of me A catch in my throat choke Torn into pieces I won't, nO! I don't wanna be this... But I won't let this build up inside of me I won't let this build up inside of me I won't let this build up inside of me I won't let this build up inside of me" im a hopless fuck, huh? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
2:32 am	have you ever noticed when you think "it cant get any worse" things do any way? my dads hit an all time low, hes refusing to pay child support, at this point i dont want a thing to do wiht him, im not wasting anymore time on such an ass hole, hes not worht it and i hope i never see him again. also my mom had some kind of melt down or somthing she just kept yelling at evryone and evrything and crying and screaming and stuff, it took her over an hour to calm down, so now im kinda sitting here wishing i didnt have a famley or a life or have to deal with any of this because its not worth it, i want to end it but i just dont have the balls to, so i guess the only thing thats keeping me alive is fear, its weird, when you feel that like isnt worth living, but you cant do anything about it... its also weird out of all the things i know there are onley to that i can really sorta rely on, music, and my freinds, i dont have that meny friends, and i dont know how long there gonna put up with me, no one dose for long, and i dont have any freinds that live near me, they all live out of boston. and to just rely on music is just sad, that the only thing in the world i can count on to look forward to is sound, not people not love not anything but 9 angry men from iowa yelling a lot, im a sad, sad saaaaaaaad person Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 17th, 2004
9:36 pm	why do things always go from bad to worse? maybe the only person that im even capalble of loving could drop dead at any moment, my grandpa keeps geting infections that cause his blood presure to drop rapidly, hes had to go to the hospital for testing, hes 81 years old and keeps geting sick, hes also about the only person that i think i love, the rest of my famley just puts up with me hes the only one that ever wants to see me, the only reason my dad takes me out to lunch is so he can flirt with a watress and my moms kicking me out when im 18 and my brother and sister, hell they fucking hate me. as far as im concerned my grandpa is the only famley that i have and one of my best freinds and it looks like hes not going to be around much longer, i dont know what to do, if i lost him i just couldent take it, hes the only one that understands me and loves me and i love him and i just cant think about loosing him, and im afraid that im going to forever, fuckshitpisscock, to top that off ive been geting headaches evry day at like 2 am and my mom says that im doing weird shit in my sleep, like screaming FUCK!! and stuff, jesus god why me, what the hell did i do for all of this, im not a BAD person i try to be nice to people and be a good person but all i ever get is shit, and im sick of dealing witrh that, i cant fucking take it anymore..."i'd kill myself to make evrybody pay" Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
12:12 am	"She is everything to me The unrequited dream A song that no one sings The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in All I need to make it real is one more reason" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
1:32 am	i can die happy on monday tom and i went to ozzfest. that was fucking orgasmic, not only is tom a great freind but we saw some kick ass shows, some of the best were hatebreed lamb of god and throwdown. they all put on some good shows and have earned my respect so ive got to get some of there CDs. but the best part was slipknot, holy fuck that was the most awsome thing i have ever seen, and i was within 100 feet of the stage. the awsome part was before they were on they played there sample 742617000027, that the sample thats starts there self titled album, its all this weird noise going and then a voice going "the whole thing i think is sick" over and over agian, and as that played each member walked on the stage, and then BAM!!! they blasted us with (sic) there first song on the selftitled, it was sooo fucking explosive! then the crowd went nuts and the whole thing turned into a pit! evryone was going fucking crazy, it was the most awsome experince ever, then the palyed some stuff of the new album and when Corey said "you want to here our brand new single!?" and the crowd went nuts, "well thats good because were gonna play it weather you fucking like it or not" and then they played Duality, and after that corey said "you want somthing heavyer?" and evryone yelled "YEAH!!!" and he said "well then your gonna have to finish the sentince for me... if your 555 then im..." "666!!!!" and they went into the heratic anthem then wait and bleed they played a bunch of other great songs and they had a nice long set it was over 40 miniutes and. but the best part was spit it out, because they did the jump the fick up test, that was fucking awsome right when he said "get the fuck down" i was the first one on the ground!! and then they closed the show with surfacing, and it was just fucking great, then we went back to toms house and had a condome fiht, then after that i got him to dress in drag witch was really funny and then we went to bed, it was the most awsome exerince of my life( not tom in drag but the concert) (Comment on this)
Friday, July 9th, 2004
1:48 am	well its offical, i now have no life. and ive really got myself to blame for the most part. school is a mess, thanks to my wonderfull disorder, and unless i have a stroke of luck im going to have to go to a boston public school, or drop out get my GED and work part time and take a few classes in my offtime, the reason that i dont want to go to a boston public is that i really dont want to die, ive heard some strange storys about those places, and i wouldent fit in there at all, theyd kill me, and thats a real fear, they all have knives and stuff and i dont want to get stabbed that would suck. also tom is gone for a while and that means i have nothing to do, because hes one of the only people willing to hang out with me so i cant look forward to that till he gets back. and since i broke up with kevin, he said hed still like to be freinds but i dont think hes gonna wanna see as much of me(witch is understandable) so that means that, i get to stay home or go on walks by myself, and my mom hates me around the house so i guess that means im gonna be walking a lot, meah its not that bad i guess. Current Mood: awake (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
10:30 am	"Coma Black" [ a) EDEN EYE ] "My mouth was a crib and it was growing lies I didn't know what love was on that day my heart's a tiny bloodclot I picked at it it never heals it never goes away I burned all the good things in The Eden Eye we were too dumb to run too dead to die This was never my world you took the angel away I'd kill myself to make everybody pay This was never my world you took the angel away I'd kill myself to make everybody pay I would have told her then she was the only thing that I could love in this dying world but the simple word "love" itself already died and went away This was never my world you took the angel away I'd kill myself to make everybody pay This was never my world you took the angel away I'd kill myself to make everybody pay I burned all the good things in The Eden Eye we were too dumb to run too dead to die [ b) APPLE OF DISCORD ] Her heart's bloodstained egg we didn't handle with care it's broken and bleeding and we can never repair" -Marilyn Manson (Comment on this)
Monday, July 5th, 2004
4:28 pm	"and it seems like tomarrow might not come, and it seems that the sarrow left you numb"-Drowning pool this is so fucking weird, i woke up this morning and realized somthing, im a falure. evrything thats really important ive just fucked up, ive fucked up school to the point of no return(literally) most of the people that i get colse to end up wishing they hadent because im such a fuck up, ive fucked up all the relationships in my famley. hell i wasnt even suposed to be born, i was mommys "little suprise"...that means the condom broke. and physacly and im gonna asume mentally ive got more problems than i can count. i realized this all at once and sat in my half a bedroom crying for about an hour. the way i was feeling was put best by the revrand manson, "this was never my world, you took the angle away, id kill myself to make evrybody pay" it weird because i felt so bad then, i mean it was one of the only times that i seriously thought about killing myself, but now.. i dont feel anything, it weird im just numb, thus the drowning pool qoute and i think slipknot put what people should think of me best "danger, keep away" because no one should get close to me there just gonna end up hurt and i dont want to do that to people. Current Mood: numb (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 2nd, 2004
4:05 am	the world is filled with FUCKTARDS! Pociden316: the fucking point is that you're a narssisistic bastard!!! Pociden316: it doesn't matter what you think!!! yes, 2 wonderful quotes from, my so called freind colby, hes some one that cant stand to loose an argument, and when i was winning he resorted to name calling, and telling me my thoughts wernt improtant. well fuck you!! hes not worth my time anymore, not at all, to say that my opinion is wrong because he dosnt agree with it, thats jsut ignorant, and i would like to sate for the record that i did not call him any names back, i stayed very tactful intill the VERY end: Pociden316: man, fuck this, I've gotta get up in the morning Pociden316: goodnight spaz maggot: run when your loosing(the only reason i said this is because he said the same thing to tom when they got in a fight and tom tried to walk out) Pociden316: fuck you spaz maggot: no spaz maggot: i like people who shower Pociden316 signed off at 2:37:13 AM. he called me a bastard 3 times in that fight, so i lost it at the end, but i say he had i comming, he kept calling me names so i gave it back at the end, my whole argument was that life is to be enjoyed, he said it wasent. well ive been givin 200 tons of crap in life so im sorry that im trying to have fun, and not let it get to me Current Mood: awake (Comment on this)